Overflowing Waterfall Love

Love. Love. Love.
(If you so choose, let the song play while you read...
It was in my mind as I wrote.)

I am absolutely overflowing with love today.

It could be because Andrew and I took a little tour of a local brewery this morning and they had free tastings (10am tour! Yeah. Because that is just how we roll sometimes...)

I might be overflowing with love because Andrew took me out to a very nice restaurant last night. And while I usually am the type who opts for take-out or any place where I can still wear jeans and a t-shirt, I was actually looking forward to this particular dinner all week. Despite the fact that the "fabulous" restaurant turned out to be an overpriced Red Lobster in disguise...and offered merely edible food, instead of truly astounding cuisine, it was a very nice night out and I particularly enjoyed the company.


Or, perhaps I am overflowing with love today because Andrew and I stopped by a grocery store on the way home to pick up a good selection of the clearance Valentine's Day candy (50% off!?) And even though I am trying to save money, and declined Andrew's offer after he saw me drooling over a bag of all green Peanut M&M's, he snuck away and bought them for me anyway. (True gentleman, right?! He knows when I actually mean I do not want something, and when I am just saying I do not want something...Now, that is talent!)

Nope. I do not think it was any of the above examples.

I think this particular love induced waterfall, which I am currently swimming through, was triggered by my dear boyfriend's constant kindness and concern for my welfare.

His first priority always seems to be my comfort and well-being (both physical and emotional). A shocking contrast to the family dynamic of which I was raised.

Yesterday night, I was so dizzy. I mean dizzy.

Severe vertigo.

Had Andrew not been with me all day long, he probably would have thought I had been drinking all. day. long.

Just as I was last night: Sometimes I get dizzy. Really dizzy. Falling over dizzy. Room spinning dizzy. Can't walk in a straight line dizzy.

Whether the dizziness occurs because of the meds I take for my pituitary tumor, or because my Eustachian tubes are clogged, I do not know. Probably a combination of the two. Doctors usually have different theories. All I know is that when it happens, I get scared. I never know where it is going to end. "Will I pass out? Will I be able to keep walking?" Other thoughts race in my head, "Did I have a stroke? Is my brain tumor growing?"

I always review the symptoms of a stroke with those around me, just in case. "Andrew, if the words/syllables/sounds coming out of my mouth suddenly do not make any sense, or if one side of my face looks stiff, or if I suddenly can not walk or move my arms...Just Call 911. Do not worry if I tell you I am fine. Take control and call 911. Okay?"

He always agrees. I see him doing his best to smile sweetly and look straight into my eyes. However, I can tell that he is doing his best to mask his own fears. Heaven forbid we should ever find ourselves in that terrible situation, I do have 100% confidence that Andrew could handle it.

I do not know why I am so worried about having a stroke. Maybe because the fear of not being able to communicate when I know something is wrong positively terrifies me. The thought of screaming inside my head, trying to move my arms or my legs, scrambling to reach for the phone, but being fundamentally unable to communicate or help myself...boils fear inside of me like nothing else on earth.

Maybe I worry because my luck with doctors has not been the best!? Therefore, I am always worried that they missed something.

Andrew and I do not know where this road we are on will lead us.

We have no idea what problems lie ahead.

We do not know what sort of medical trauma my body is concealing for us, waiting to emerge at just the wrong moment.

All I know is that for the time we share together, I get to spend my days with an absolute gift. Someone so wonderful, gentle and kind. A person with humor, intellect, and empathy. With a zeal for life so contagious it makes those around him want to get involved and gently blow the world's troubles away.

I think I am overflowing with love today because I have reached a concrete-cognitive-realization of unconditional love.

A tangible form of emotional enlightenment.

For the first time in my life, it is within my grasp.